Ask Julie
Julie Skinner
Issue date: 11/12/09 Section: Arts & Entertainment
Dear Julie,
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 4 months now. He comes over to my house often to watch movies or just hang out. He is a really sweet guy, and I like him a lot. The only problem is that he never says "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing my parents. I think this is disrespectful, because I was raised to always say "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing my parents and elders. I want my parents to like him, but I'm scared that I will make my boyfriend uncomfortable if I ask him to start saying it. What should I do?
-Miss Polite.
Miss Polite,
I understand where you're coming from. Your mom and dad liking the guy you bring home is always a plus. You pointed out that your boyfriend is a sweet guy, and if so, I think he would understand how you feel if you talked to him about this. Being raised the way that you were, it's understandable that you view saying "sir" or "ma'am" as second nature. Many people, especially in the south, do. Just keep in mind that this minor difference doesn't have to put a strain on your relationship. He may not realize that he's being disrespectful towards your parents, and maybe he just needs you to make this situation aware to him. Just be careful to not make your boyfriend feel that he has to change in order for your parents to approve of him. Instead, just explain to him how you feel. I think with an honest talk and some good communication, this problem will be easily solved. And if not, then you'll have to decide if this is a big enough issue to end the relationship completely. Even though it's important to respect the person you're with, it's also essential that you don't give up something that's of big importance to you.
Dear Julie,
How much is too much when it comes to arguing in a relationship? I feel like all my girlfriend and I do is fight.
-Fed Up
Fed Up,
How much do you think is too much? The fact that you're asking might show that you already feel like the arguing in your relationship is too much. Sometimes, arguing fluctuates based on what is going on in both of your lives. I've found that I get agitated much easier toward the end of a semester, because my stress levels are higher. My fiancé also gets more easily agitated when his school and work loads are really high… and when his fantasy football team is doing awful. So put together, this leads us to get more heated about things that we normally wouldn't really care about. Perhaps you and your girlfriend are going through a period where the arguing is intense due to being more stressed than usual, or another factor that's causing tension between you. Or, maybe it's just time to call it quits. Arguing is never fun, but it's usually a normal process in a relationship. However, when you're arguing constantly, it tends to make you forget how the relationship was ever fun in the first place. Ask yourself how much of the time you are happy in your relationship versus how sad or angry you are. If the bad outweighs the good, it might be time to move on. I would definitely talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling and try your best to not let it turn into a fight. If you think you would both be happier and less stressed by ending the relationship, then that may just be your best choice. In my opinion, open and honest communication is the first step in figuring out the problems in a relationship.
Hope you all have a safe and happy weekend!
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 4 months now. He comes over to my house often to watch movies or just hang out. He is a really sweet guy, and I like him a lot. The only problem is that he never says "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing my parents. I think this is disrespectful, because I was raised to always say "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing my parents and elders. I want my parents to like him, but I'm scared that I will make my boyfriend uncomfortable if I ask him to start saying it. What should I do?
-Miss Polite.
Miss Polite,
I understand where you're coming from. Your mom and dad liking the guy you bring home is always a plus. You pointed out that your boyfriend is a sweet guy, and if so, I think he would understand how you feel if you talked to him about this. Being raised the way that you were, it's understandable that you view saying "sir" or "ma'am" as second nature. Many people, especially in the south, do. Just keep in mind that this minor difference doesn't have to put a strain on your relationship. He may not realize that he's being disrespectful towards your parents, and maybe he just needs you to make this situation aware to him. Just be careful to not make your boyfriend feel that he has to change in order for your parents to approve of him. Instead, just explain to him how you feel. I think with an honest talk and some good communication, this problem will be easily solved. And if not, then you'll have to decide if this is a big enough issue to end the relationship completely. Even though it's important to respect the person you're with, it's also essential that you don't give up something that's of big importance to you.
Dear Julie,
How much is too much when it comes to arguing in a relationship? I feel like all my girlfriend and I do is fight.
-Fed Up
Fed Up,
How much do you think is too much? The fact that you're asking might show that you already feel like the arguing in your relationship is too much. Sometimes, arguing fluctuates based on what is going on in both of your lives. I've found that I get agitated much easier toward the end of a semester, because my stress levels are higher. My fiancé also gets more easily agitated when his school and work loads are really high… and when his fantasy football team is doing awful. So put together, this leads us to get more heated about things that we normally wouldn't really care about. Perhaps you and your girlfriend are going through a period where the arguing is intense due to being more stressed than usual, or another factor that's causing tension between you. Or, maybe it's just time to call it quits. Arguing is never fun, but it's usually a normal process in a relationship. However, when you're arguing constantly, it tends to make you forget how the relationship was ever fun in the first place. Ask yourself how much of the time you are happy in your relationship versus how sad or angry you are. If the bad outweighs the good, it might be time to move on. I would definitely talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling and try your best to not let it turn into a fight. If you think you would both be happier and less stressed by ending the relationship, then that may just be your best choice. In my opinion, open and honest communication is the first step in figuring out the problems in a relationship.
Hope you all have a safe and happy weekend!
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